An Ideal Life

Growing up, whenever I was on a road trip I would picture my life as if I had lived there. Looking back, it is easy to realize that this mental image as an adolescent was overly romanticized. Whether it was driving through the western plains of Minnesota, a journey from the Twin Cities to Chicago, or my annual drive with my dad and Paul to Kansas City. All of the communities we passed through would spur my imagination at some point in time.

Either in the car just gazing out the window across the landscape, skyscrapers or neighborhoods; or actually being in the community at a restaurant, gas station, baseball field or any other public setting - these are the experiences that helped shape my imagination.

Today is Valentine's Day. Lately, I've been so busy that I was not able to make it to a spot of commercialization to purchase some red or pink crap to buy for my wife, Stephanie, who deserves any of that type of stuff she wants.

However, we had a nice little Valentine's Day together. We went to the move, appropriately titled, "Valentine's Day" with her mom (Jolene), brother (Chris) and his girlfriend (Nicole) before going out to eat at Panino's - a family favorite. We topped it off with our bowling league and as a husband-wife team we completely dominated.

The movie Valentine's Day sparked my imagination. And another movie we recently watched from Netflix, "Up" - a Pixar film, also sparked my imagination.

These factors along with my life-long habit of daydreaming for my future life in various settings over numerous points of my life made my mind explode.

The movie Valentine's Day was far from Oscar-worthy, but was entertaining and had a great cast and was well worth the movie ticket purchase.

It also provided plenty of thought-provoking moments to people of all age groups from childhood to high school to young adulthood to married life through elderly years.

But what I started thinking about was my own experience and why I appreciate my wife, Stephanie.

Before the movie, there was a preview for a movie called "She's Out of My League" - a completely ridiculous concept for a romantic comedy. Basically, Hollywood is telling the population that everyone gets a rating (1-10) and "5's" have no business being with "10's" regardless of personality traits outside of athleticism, looks or perceived popularity. It's pure adolescence being portrayed by adults which is dangerous.

I've often joked with friends that I've overachieved, and have joked with other friends have they have also overachieved. It's a fun way to compliment our own significant others and wives while also complimenting our friends.

But in reality it is complete and utter bullshit.

The rating scale is a complete myth and is one of the factors leading to high divorce rates despite what the evangelicals will say about gay marriage being the reason (another talking point from "Valentine's Day" by the way...).

Getting back on point, I have a great wife, and I think we compliment each other incredibly. I say this because of how our Valentine's Day went.

You see, Stephanie is a planner who enjoys spontaneity and I tend to live and act in the moment but enjoy someone else's diligence in creating and executing plans.

This morning, I woke up to Stephanie saying that my breakfast was ready and would get cold if I continued to wait and that a pot of coffee was brewing.

Who wouldn't wake up to this?! Despite not getting home from work the night before until 1:30 a.m. because of a triple overtime men's basketball game (which was SWEET by the way!).

When I got to the table, there was a card sitting with my sausage and cheese omelet, toast, coffee and milk. Wow, what a way to wake up and what a great gesture!

That took some pre-planning, thought and care on her part and I was so appreciative.

I tend to have things brewing upstairs about how I feel constantly and have trouble putting my feelings into actions such as a breakfast. Why do I have this disconnect? I have no idea, but I'm just not wired how Steph is. But I am not void of thoughts and feelings about my appreciation for my wife, what she means to me and how I feel about her regardless of if it is a greeting card holiday, her birthday, our anniversary, etc.

Take my proposal. I clearly put a lot of thought into the rest of my life. I bought a house with her, that speaks volumes, right? But when it came to marriage, I approached my proposal differently and on a separate timeline. I knew I wanted it to be "right."

I finally purchased the ring, special ordered, and when I went to pick it up, I had no idea when I'd ask. But when I saw the ring and put it in my finger-tips, I was so excited I couldn't wait.

I had all the words I wanted to say, and put them on paper in a "Birthday Card" that was two weeks late. (Good thing I put the words in writing, as I would later learn I'm not good off-the-cuff at Andrew and Sara's wedding in my best man's speech - more on that in a future blog...).

When I got home that night, it was just one of those days. A bad day all around for all involved. I even had to go pick her brother, Chris, up in the middle of the street because he ran out of gas a few miles away.

When I got home, I was still so excited despite a bad day that I made my move. Dressed in scrubby clothes at home in our living room, I popped the question.

She was completely surprised and ecstatic and we had a moment neither of us will forget.

So that is just how I roll.

Today, similar. No card, no presents. But, we had a great day with a movie, dinner and our couples bowling time, and even spent time with her family.

But I'm not done.

You see, all of this shaped my thoughts in such profound ways and it really hit me hard during the movie, almost to the point of me breaking out in tears a few times because my thoughts were so surreal.

I had everything I wanted to write in this blog come to me clearly about 3/4 through the movie. But I knew it was eight-plus hours until I'd get to write it out.

But here is what I know.

I have the wife we should all strive to marry. I'm not saying Steph is the perfect wife for every man. But she is the perfect wife for me. She's the perfect blend of spontaneity and planning. The perfect mix of carelessness and cleanliness. The perfect mix of energy and relaxation. And I think I have the exact compliments to all of her traits in every way. We balance each other out perfectly. When I'm hot, she's cold - meaning if she needs my blankets, I don't need mine.

Quite simply, we just "work."

And I adore her more than anything in the world.

To bring it all together, when I think back to all of my mythical journeys and lifetimes I've dreamed of, she's always there.

Whether we live in the country on a farm and are swinging on our porch drinking lemonade as 85 year olds reminiscing about our lives together; or are running on treadmills in our trendy downtown condo's - it's her that matters. It's having her friendship, her love, her companionship that matters the most.

I can see myself taking a job in Southern California, going to the beach regularly, always having warm weather; but it's her that makes it sunny.

I can see myself living in New York in a hustle and bustle style of life, but it's her that gives me the energy to be my best.

I see myself taking a risk and moving to Europe to get away from the Red/Blue nightmare that stalemates progress in the U.S. but it's her that gives me adventure. It's her that makes me secure that I won't fail.

I can see myself giving everything up and moving to Mexico for paradise and it's her that gives me the serenity that we'll be able to be happy despite leaving our lives behind.

But most importantly, it's her that allows me to be confident in our lives together as home owners in New Brighton as I continue to pursue a highly stressful but highly rewarding career in a position as the breadwinner of the family that barely allows us to pay the bills.

Meanwhile, I hope that I'm able to be the force in her life that provides the same balance and stability, giving her confidence to pursue her education so she can change careers to be a highly skilled and qualified nurse.

And we can do it anywhere and with confidence. That is the best part of the equation. I'd sell our home in a heartbeat and pick up and move as long as I know that Stephanie is by my side.

Together, anything is possible. That is not something I would've said before life with Stephanie.

It's something I didn't immediately understand, but as I continue to live in it everyday, it puts me more and more at ease. All that matters is that we are happy. Where we are and what we do are nothing without that happiness together. And happiness is only attainable together.

These are just some of the thoughts that rumbled through me today in the dark movie theatre in Mounds View. Many of my thoughts were crystal clear at the time, and now seem to resemble one of my rambling basketball game recaps (see this Friday and Saturday's recaps - talk about wordy!).

On that note, if anyone has read this far, come find me and I'll buy you a bottle of pop, as my boss told me the other night about the writings he used to do for his corporate job.

One person I know is still reading is my loyal wife, Stephanie, who certainly wouldn't be reading this far if it was anyone but me writing.

But for anyone else brave enough to withstand this much of my text, the point is that what I have in my wife is more than I could've ever imagined possible. I have a companion, a best friend but most importantly, a soul mate.

I love you Stephanie Lynn.