Ramps & Bumpers

I definitely overstated the ease of capturing my first bowling league championship.

So, Steph and I stroll to the alley, check the scores and we did completely dominate last week. Team high scratch game, team high series, etc, etc. etc.

It wasn't even close.

However, here's the deal, we went 2-1. That means we lost a point. To a team of an eight year old and his non-bowling aunt who was tired just watching her nephew during warm-ups.

WTF?!

Handicaps.

FML...

I mean, I knew there would be handicaps, but we seriously have our work cut out for us.

But, after checking the scores quick, we had two minutes to warm-up. I rolled two warm-up frames, Steph decided to pass on her warm-up tosses.

Our opponent this week? A mom presumably in her early 30's with a pair of pint-sized kids. Couldn't have been older than six.

And yes, he used ramps and bumpers.

It's fricking league play, and this kid has the audacity to use bumpers?

COME ON!

I almost went John McEnroe on this very cute, well behaved family. (The little girl, probably four years old, was wearing a Brad Johnson jersey and gave her mom high-fives on gutter balls and absolutely no love on the strikes she threw!)

So, whatever, they are spotted like 200-plus on us going into each game, we have to make up some 400 pins in the series.

I come out, throw a strike, spare and two more strikes and have like a 116 through five frames. Things are looking good. Steph was throwing well, too.

In the eighth or ninth frame, Steph's like, "Oh crap, we are down like 85 pins!"

It's at that point we learned about their massive handicaps.

We closed the gap, but lost by 14, I rolled a solid 191, Steph was at a solid 139.

Game two, we get absolutely pummeled. So bad in fact that the kid was basically taunting us when he decided to forgo the use of his ramp.

If only he would've scrapped the bumpers as well. He freaking threw two spares, following each with a nine! That's already like an extra 40 pins on his puny 40 average! He doubled up his score.

The mom was on her A-game too, despite the fact that she wasn't getting any high-fives on her numerous strikes and spares!

Meanwhile, I dropped from a 191 to a 159 and Steph dropped from a 139 to a 119. That added up to a 100 pin loss.

Yuck!

We went 0-3 against a kid that had to use a ramp and bumpers.

Wow.

I definitely overstated our cakewalk to a championship.

We have our work cut out for us!

Loyal readers may be in store for a mid-April let down when we don't win the championship...

Side notes:

• The Vikings are 7-1 and in control of the NSIC North and swept the Packers (I'm still bracing for the let down...).
• Our wonderful friends, Scott & Laura, helped us put in our new windows in our bedroom and I'm already feeling the increased heat efficiency! They will be back tomorrow to help pop in two more! Considering I'm the opposite of a handy-man, their help is invaluable!
• My awesome wife makes me laugh for completely random reasons everyday and I love it. If I could be disciplined enough to take notes on the stuff she says I could make millions on a book deal...

Prepare for a Let Down

I'm pretty psyched that I have a comment, thanks sis! I also know of at least three other readers aside from my commenter, which is huge. That's two more than I anticipated. I was banking on my loyal wife, Steph, to be only reader - and that was only because I was going to make her read it immediately after I posted it before my writings drifted off into cyberspace irrelevance!

So, with that, here comes a big let down. It's been nearly a week since my last post, and everyday I think of things that inspire me to write, and I really don't have anything.

But, it's okay, by now we should all be used to let downs, at least Minnesota Sports Fans should be...

I'm well trained in being let down, but I am very poor at handling it. I get my hopes up any time a MN sports franchise appears to be succeeding.

So, in preparation of the next big let downs - the next two that occurred to me today are from the Minnesota Vikings. This sucks because they are 6-0 and not even playing to their potential. I can see a 1998 coming. Dominant regular season, some big wins (including at Pittsburgh this Sunday much to the chagrin of our soccer coach Joe!) and even a dominating playoff win at the Dome. Then, wham, a huge shocking loss.

But that's not even the let down I'm worried about most. I'm far more concerned about what I saw in my Sports Illustrated (SI) this evening. One of the first articles is about a billionaire LA mogul who wants to build the Taj Mahal of NFL stadiums. Yikes. This thing is sweet. Who wouldn't want to play there? And why WOULDN'T the Wilf's want to sell the squad for a pretty billion dollars and make a huge profit a la Red McCombs?

Clearly Minnesota will not build a Vikings stadium. Fresh of the Gophers' TCF Bank Stadium and the Twins' Target Field along with the awesome economy, I think the public (liberals and conservatives alike) is done with ponying up public funds for pro sports.

What concerned me most about the SI article is that we were not one of the four front running teams mentioned as likely suitors. In fact, SI even went as far as to write us off completely because they thought it was a forgone conclusion that we'd solve our stadium issue here because of the fact that the Twins and Gophers both got new houses.

What the fuck happened to journalism? Do your homework buddy. What a hack. All it would take would be to find ONE stinking stadium article on Star Tribune's website, and if that article wasn't enough, just read all the "insightful" comments.

No Chance!

Speaking of let downs, tonight is the Powerball drawing, and yes, I did get my ticket. I was smart enough to "delegate" that assignment to my awesome intern, Tim Evans, who also works part time at the North Mpls EZ Stop. I told him today that no matter what it's the last time I have him buy my ticket, because if I win, I won't be purchasing more Powerball tickets (duh) and if I lose, he fucked that assignment up, why would I give it to him again?

I apologize for the course language, but one of my favorite writers, Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone, curses like a sailor and his shit cracks me up. So, grow some thick skin America. You can watch rated R movies, and if you take the time to read this far down on my blog, I'm not even worried about offending you at this point.

Wish me luck on overcoming my next big let down - tonight's Powerball drawing.

Peace.